It’s been a few weeks since you’ve received one of my love letters Reader...

There’s so much that’s happened – so many conversations I’ve had to process and catch you up on!

Before I write, my first question is : “What can I share that will help you to re-energise, get unstuck and surge forward with full clarity, power and agency, when you’re challenged, stuck or spinning wheels?”.

The second question is “What have I learnt that I could share or, what have my clients been grappling with that I could share, that will help you grow too ?”.

On that point!

No less than 3 conversations this week have been about the distress, and what to do then, when you’re told you’re too much, too direct, too clear, too confrontational – too YOU (and not diplomatic, sensitive, accommodating enough) – typically by an (aging), white, male boss, but not always, culture seeps into everyone after all.

Has this happened to you? It's crushingly unjust and enough to make you alternate between tears, internal boiling, or spitting flames. No they wouldn’t say that to a bloke.

Blame the system if you like…

And… other than venting some energy, that’s a bit of an unsatisfactory solution because it doesn’t solve anything in the moment, does it?

So, what do you do?

Do you compromise your belief that clarity is kindness and your value of authenticity - the core truth of who you are - then conform? Do you somehow make your directness appropriate and palatable? Beige yourself down into acceptability?

Or do you defiantly stay the way you are - be the way you know how to be and what many others even appreciate you for - possibly risking the leadership position that would give you access to the real impact you want?

Do you rush out to buy the book ‘Crucial Conversations’ ? Study ‘Never Split the Difference?’

These are both great books by the way.

But they are the second step… NOT the first!

Step 1) Don’t DO anything! (Yet)

Remember that pressure is an internal feeling and therefore in your immediate sphere of influence.

Get some Altitude – literally maybe, but definitely figuratively - and don’t try to immediately resolve the situation. Hold the tension. There’s gold there!

Outside circumstances always reveal our own inner dynamics & beliefs.

The dilemma is that it’s become a black and white issue for you internally. Your brain’s trying to make you pick one of two narrow, reactive solutions from an Either This Or That dynamic, so you can move forward. This only keeps you stuck because both are suboptimal.

BLACK AND WHITE – EITHER/OR – in other words ‘binary’ thinking is never the truth. But it will always create pressure. Get curious about your thinking to relieve the pressure. How? See below.

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Step 2) Flesh out your thinking/beliefs by drawing a similar diagram to the one below to give yourself more range to manoeuvre.

It’s possible that there’s more to your authenticity than simply speaking directly or defending ideas head on. Explore your beliefs and see which ones will give you more power without compromising who you are, but growing who you are.

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Step 3) If necessary – check in with yourself to see if you’re also putting the HOW before the WHAT – that sure is a way to spin your wheels and stay frustratingly stuck in place. Don’t run for your "Crucial Conversations" book until you’ve explored and fleshed out what you actually want in the short and the long term. Trying to figure out a way to do something when you haven’t clearly defined and refined your deeper objectives is another sure way to put yourself under pressure. Get some altitude and go wide on your wanting. Then you’ll see how to go about it and what action to take next.

That should do the trick – it takes me about 20-30 minutes to do this with my coach and a little longer to do it on my own.

Remember if you, (or another woman you care about) would like some extra support with this particular challenge, let me know. Your power is my joy!

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With love,

Angela

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P.S : For when you really want more power, presence and possibility here’s what I’ve created for you next!

Atypical, Audacious, Awesome Me (I was tempted to entitle the course, “I am Woman Hear Me Roar” but contained my rambunctious enthusiasm ;-)

• If you get stuck between who you are and who you think you should be.
• If you’re a bit different from everyone else but keep trying to fit yourself into a convenient package to belong, or at least not be too much. Or even to be understood!!!…
• If you want to hold court and be charismatic yet not crowd everyone else out of the room. If you’re getting stuck in values definitions that narrow you down rather than expanding your range and impact…

… sign up for the ‘Atypical, Audacious, Awesome Me’ course.

This is a powerful and enlightening process that will make you a compelling, magnetic force and give you access to poise, grace and power in all the time, including when yu need it most. You’ll also just enjoy who you are more, if that isn’t enough! Summer is the perfect time to do this, rested, revived and ready to take on the world in September. 4 week August online course. Reply to this email and I’ll send you the information pack!

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Wild Spirit Leadership Retreat – September 10/11/12 - 3 full days to shift your energy impact and influence, from predictable to creative, dare I say adventurous, new heights. Strengthen your relationship with power – yours in particular.

Stop avoiding who you don’t want to be and own who you’re becoming. Reignite the flame of your creative vision again (admit it, you’ve been making it palatable and reasonable so you can do it… but it doesn’t light you up like you want it to), unleash your creative power and come back with a clear, actionable plan to bring the vision to life.

Reply to this email for more info (no time to get a landing page up! We’ll have to do this high touch and not high tech!) Limited to 10 women!

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Creative Resilience Retreat - September 29/30 & October 1st – on the Sunny Costa Brava. Iff you’ve attended the Creative Resilience Course – this is where you transform each of the 4 mindset shifts in real time with rugged Nature, in her vast wisdom, as the perfect, actionable backdrop to bring you up close with your creative self leadership.

If you haven’t done the online resilience course yet – this will be your chance to jump straight into the and reconnect with your innate capacity to create forward, influence outcomes, dance with the unknown and embrace whatever life brings with full creative power. From Struggle to effort.

From Resignation to Acceptance. From Certitude to Curiosity and from Force to Flow. There’s nothing like Nature to show you how. No particular sporting level required but a good capacity to hike on uneven ground a requirement.

Also limited to 10 participants. You know the deal – it’s high touch vs high tech. Simply hit reply for more information saying YES PLEASE! RESILIENT ME!

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